Reflections from the Road
Time seems to stand still as I am flying by the never-ending cornfields and clustered rock formations that were created during the time of Land of the Lost instead of the poofy clouds below from a flight high above. The patchwork stitches of the seemingly never-ending different landscapes take on a new meaning since the tires hit the road out west. A bookend of sorts demarking pivoting points of the timelessness of the covid pandemic and depths of social injustice. This road less traveled for me is one that I wouldn't normally take by car. I simply do not like to drive. I would much rather take the train. Maybe it's the fond memories of my summer abroad studying art and staring out the colored windows filled with vibrant red from poppy or sun-drenched yellow from sunflower fields. Or maybe it's the introspective time the train gave me as I commuted down the Hudson with an hour alone in the throws of motherhood to get to my textile design job. All before I practiced yoga. Maybe I located a yogic pathway to mend, strengthen, and return into myself before the fear and sadness were unbearable without knowing of a yoga mat. Even though I didn’t recognize it then: traveling for me gave me a pause into healing time.
This time with this road trip, I was looking for opening, connectivity, and closure.
I travel and cherish every day in my mind the time and place meditation takes me into a being of presently aware and not always still. I am aware of the circuitry of my mind racing and pausing and my body being in all the stages in between. Sometimes NOT a pleasant place to be and sometimes NOT an easy place to return to and sometimes so beautiful that the inner landscape far surpasses the colors rainbow graduating in hue smoothly from one color to another with no start and not wanting it to ever end. I was to have the time right now for a road trip – (thank you covid for adding the PAUSE into my awareness and me not filling every ounce of space in my schedule with a ZOOM or a project) making it possible by way of the highway and back state routes to take a new direction from NY to Utah, from home to my daughter.
The divided distance of not seeing my daughter in 6 months seemed wider than the actual mileage I needed to cover on the ground. I’ve never driven almost across this country before. My husband had this for me. A seasoned cross-country – 3 times once making it into Nebraska in one day and another time taking a meandering few weeks! An engineer with a checklist and pen in hand to make sure we had everything before, during, and after the trip. I had to follow his lead on the road. As most of you know me- I am well aware of my leadership qualities in ballroom dancing and “ sometimes bossy tendencies” so this was my place of surrender now. My place to go back to the 2 tenants of yoga that we constantly try to balance in our practice:
Effort and Letting Go (Abhyasa and Vairagya): Yoga Sutra 2.47
I travel through my mind down to my heart to bridge the distance of my soul towards better understanding my true self beyond my fears, pains, joys, aversions, and judgments to find and feel the connections to myself, other people, the earth, and most living things actually, even if its rocky or muddy or not pretty. This is my meditation practice. Not anchoring always in one Zen or yoga technique but rather mapping out what is needed for me at that moment. I was given a mantra after teacher training that I used for mediation for what seemed like an eternity. Almost every day for about 6 years this mantra took me into places of discomfort, tension, resistance, anger and release so often that I felt like taffy being pulled. Till one day – poof – I knew I didn't need that mantra anymore for my inward journey. I’ve taken on a few new for now … I continue to travel through my HeArtful intentions to send healing for those ill and affected with covid and those helping on the front lines to stay strong support, and feel supported. I send out healing vibes and teach numerous classes to all people for learning the tools to support themselves through stress and trauma as we live in this daily Petri dish in the lab of life. I travel towards myself to hold my self-accountable for my words and actions to support change and growth away from racism and prejudice towards a better humanity where we can truly be beyond this physical container to see the light of each soul as individual crayons to color the picture of humanity… outside the lines & brighter.
My mediation practice holds me accountable to what shows up in me first, the good, the bad, and the ugly so that on my road towards unconditional love, empathy and creativity I can use my personal resistance for connection to not hate or reject what shows up. I will always be traveling inward and out through my dirty detours, newly paved streets at sleek speeds of wants and turns, round and round in stillness and nothingness thinking I didn't get anywhere but am really somewhere. I choose this practice to bring me to love not hate. As the yoga Sutras say – the Sadhana practice is consistency over the distance of time surrendering into something greater than me.
To me, I realized this practice and the work we have, as a human race to heal is much harder than sitting in the car for 33 hours to see my daughter.
And with that, away we went. Bushy hair pulled back and car packed to the guild ready to face the road. I now look towards the detours or swerves that seem to take me to where I really need to go – not necessarily where I want, plan, or perceive at the beginning as the right way to go. But rather the road I need to travel. Yoga and art for me have been my tools to trust my emotions, pain, and brain traffic, and body congestion for learning to live through the right chosen action. My personal practice has to constantly change, my teaching has to shift and my heartful yoga approach to living re-charted as studios closed, retreats and workshops canceled with the ever-changing world of covid and social injustice. Now is the time I am retooling how I can use my teaching & creativity to help the world heal and make a change.
My husband and I figured we had the time and the ability to work via Zoom from anywhere so we hit the road very well prepared with orange home depot bucket that usually holds my clay now held the most important essentials of our journey: Anti-septic wipes, anti-bacterial gel, gloves, paper towels, extra masks, garbage bags and duct tape. Why the tape you ask? Remember Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding --- Duct Tape is my Italian version of external support and I don't leave home without it. We had to plan for everything, so we were outfitted with duct tape. Not to mention the cooler, the back seat full, and the hatchback accessible with camping gear, a special hand dip-dyed mediation throw, and numerous overnight changes with yet another pair of HeArtful yoga pants.
Off we went … with a goal of 4 days from NY till Salt Lake City.
Nothing between me but my Nalgene bottles underfoot near the red clogs, straw hat from Wyoming, and the open road seeing the ever changing sky and hearing the morphing sounds from under the car. The speed limit changed to a place where my foot has never depressed that far down. I thought what speed limit is this? I didn't know how fast I was actually going until I mastered the cruise control to see that speed uphill – 92 mph. This was awakening me to see the subtle smooth fast movements that we were making in the car with steadiness regardless of the incline. Kind of like when you give your hip a subtle adjustment in Warrior 1 that roots you into steadying the pelvis in the pose so you can root down through your legs, your breath, and your mind to be in the experience of the pose not knowing if it is 3 or 30 minutes. You do notice your steadiness, ease and strength all balanced within the breath, body, mind and spirit.
When it wasn't my minuscule time to drive because cross country Mike likes the wheel, I pondered life with an open mind and eye out the window not asking questions why or looking for answers on a when but rather embracing this timeless present place to be with my gaze and my breath and the colors that whizzed past me. AAAHHH- I now understand the lure of the road trip.
Sinclair Gas, the friendly dinosaur filler up station, or the Kum and Go Station became the pause between long stints of driving through the endless states of Nebraska, Iowa, and Wyoming. These states are not your small traffic filled North East states. These states gave me the feeling like I was sitting in fire log pose way past a seventy-minute yin class experience past where the rotation of my thighbone could go into the place of feeling my bones. I found new ways to use the car door as my yoga prop for my Asanas so that I could be balanced, stretched, and supportive into my spine, hips, legs, pelvis, and arms not to be stiff or sore in the evening or the next day following. Who knows I might do a traveling Asana practice on my next trip? Or a zoom workshop on using your kitchen counter or car as a prop? Would anyone want to know that I thought? My body felt great and the staring glare was most definitely there. At first I thought it might only be because Mike and I were the only ones in Indiana wearing masks to then realize the asana shape I was in near the car … not necessarily insta worthy but most definitely internally worthy of release and externally worthy of the stare.
It was drastically different in Indiana then other stops like Iowa and Colorado. You would think there was no pandemic in some of theses Midwest States .The clerks had their Plexiglas protection and mask on but not the streams of people coming and going for baseball tournaments, picnics, and camping excursions. We continued to be strong, tough and lead by example with our masks and orange bucket ready for action with each pose in the parking lot for each coming and going of our important pit stop pauses.
Every state showed me a different color palate indicative of its terrain and mentality towards the reality of the current situation. There is denial with Covid because it didn't affect their local area yet. I talked to people in Salt Lake City with masks, and they articulated that they didn't know of anyone affected. They said, “ It doesn't seem real. We know it is because science tells us so.” said protesters. Also, there is social injustice, hate, prejudices at the core of our established country where the roots run so deep state through the state by state and my eyes and heart tell me so. I know for certain that people want to believe what they want to see or what they were taught. And then there is the camp that questions not to ignore from before and to learn to help move us forward for change to make black lives matter. It was scary to see the polarities play out in protests, displays, local radio stations, and hanging flags. As we marched in protest of social injustice for black lives matter the police and National Guard surrounding us were without face masks.
The flip side of the hate is love and that was seen and felt too!
There is love and compassion in people in each state that wants to help and heal both pandemics- covid and racism.
I continue to educate myself through trusted sources and always question what can I do to truly help in my way from my heart. I am still pondering how this will express itself through my Heartful Yoga for non-profits. I am staying educated and learning how the depths of covid denial and prejudices are happening even in ways not so much on the surface. I am looking to support positive change. For change to occur we have to stay on the path of slow steady consistent practice in our living yoga. This is sutra 2.46, sthira-sukham asanam is most commonly translated that the pose (asana) should be stable (sthira) and comfortable (sukha),” but is more literally translated as “resolutely abide in a good space.”
Becoming established in “good space,” however, is only possible when our prana is healthy. And cultivating healthy prana is a process that extends beyond the edge of our yoga mat into every aspect of our daily lives. When we start infusing our lifestyle, actions, diet, and relationships with sthira and sukha, we pave the way for a life of balance, support, and spiritual insight to heal and support humanity.
xo Dani
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A song by Shawn Colvin
Something To Believe In
You will wander around
And it won't be the same
All the signs will be down
And it's starting to rain out
It's a lonely place
That you've brought it to now
You wanted to love
You didn't know how but
There will always be something to believe in
Do you believe in a miracle
Or just the things that you heard
Do you believe in a lover
Or just the curve of the world
Another stab every morning
To make sense of it all
Now you can go home
To nothing at all
There will always be something to…